Question: Anyone 40+ TTC after mc?

My mc happened on the 22nd January 2019. Since then every month I test thinking I am pregnant. I know its not healthy. I lost my dad shortly before mc too. I have had weird periods since. Some 16 days. However, lately I only count from the day I use a tampon or pad. I don't know how to chart the temperatures. Also, I do have a 3 year old daughter which I had at 41.5. Any postive stories? I am now 45. The problem I have is I have had some light bleeding for 6 days on cd25. So, naturally I think I am pregnant. Been feeling sick at odd times. So, today I tested which is 6 days after supposed IB but it was negative. Should I guve up? I am so disappointed. I really hate seeing our daughter play and hug my toe because she's lonely and thinks its a friend. Am I just emotional?